Wednesday, September 21, 2005   

           Last night at the Blacktop was almost an historic occasion. Only a lack of time prevented history from being made at the deSilva residence. Please allow me to explain. Everybody knows that the world record for undefeated play at the Blacktop is a mind-numbing 27-0 record by a Blacktop team a couple of years ago. I'm proud to say that I was a member of that squad. Last night, a Blacktop team had occasion to run the table with an astounding 21-0 record. There's not much question that, if time allowed, this team would have set a new modern-era record for undefeated play at the Blacktop. Alas, due to the late hour of the evening, play had to stop after the 21st victory. It was kind of like Cal Ripken having to retire a few games before passing Lou Gehrig's record, formerly beliieved to be unsurpassable, and never setting his new record a few years ago. But, before talking about the 21-0 evening, I have to talk about Billy "Bingo" Shea being run out of the Blacktop by Rick "Dr. J-Man" Jalbert. Bingo and J-Man have been involved in a tet-a-tet lately on the Guestbook Page of this website and last night only one of the Blacktoppers stood tall at the court. Dr. J-Man was there as big as life, while Bingo was nowhere to be found. Hamhocks advised that Bingo had told him earlier that he would be there, but he never showed. Being a Fall Riverite, I can't begin to explain the embarrassment that I felt last night as Bingo was a no-show. At any rate, back to the games. Free throws set up the teams as Paulo, me, The Assassin and Mike Toole versus Dr. J-Man, Ben "Jose The MVP" Cartwright, Bob Palindrone, Hamhocks and Stigmata. After the assisted living home van dropped off Rick, Jose and Bob at the Blacktop, it was time to play. With The Assassin shooting an unbelieveable 91% from the field, Mike Toole driving to the hole and Paulo dominating both inside and out, it wasn't long before it was obvious that this was going to be a very special night. In fact, I personally got into it so much that perhaps a few Blacktoppers (from the other team) might have thought I was just a little obnoxious on the court. By the time our record got to 7-0, my demeanor made Spec's winning-team behavior look amatuerish. Bells began tolling a death knell during each game when I was sure that we had wrapped up a victory. The tolling bell began to ring earlier and earlier in each game and with each passing victory. Much to my chagrin now, I also made other noises, hoops and hollers everytime something went right for my team, which was most of the time. Maybe screaming "NEXT" at the top of my lungs everytime somebody on my team made the game-winning shot didn't win me a lot of favor with our opponents. It could have been the constant amoebas that our team employed throughout the proceedings, that led to a number of turnovers, that alienated my fellow Blacktop opponents. Could it have been the trades that I suggested between games to even up the sides that pissed off the other team? I personally thought that the Justin for Hamhocks and in cash deal would have been a nice deal for the losing team, but they didn't seem to see it that way. I really think that the trade ideas might have irritated the other team even more, even though I was just trying to be helpful. At any rate, even with Ben Cartwright doing his regular cheerleading from both on the court and on the sidelines, we ran up a 20-0 record. It was at that point that the 0-20 team made a fatal miscalculation - they decided to play one more, thinking that they could finally take us out. So, at approximately midnight, we played one last game. The 0-20's seemed to be rolling and jumped out to a 5-3 lead and I could almost hear the onslaught that I was going to be the victim of if they won. In fact, Stigmata had suggested that, if his team finally won a game, I would have to shut up for the rest of the evening. I didn't make that wager because, I was on such a verbal roll at that time, I don't think I could have closed my big mouth at that point no matter what, and I would have had to reneg on the bet. So, as I loudly pointed out later, we gave the poor buggers some false hope in the last game and then decimated them. A couple of amoeba steals by both The Assassin and Paulo, a score by Toole, Gardner and Coelho and, guess what, we're up 8-7. I have to admit, the losers clawed and worked hard, giving 100% all of the time, but sometimes 100% just isn't good enough (especially when the average age of your team, with Stigmata included, is 66 years old) and we ended up winning on a nice left-handed finger roll by Mike Toole in the lane. Mentally, at that point, I had decided to be humble and show some humility to our worthy adversaries but, suddenly, I found myself berating each and every one of them and also found myself jumping around and doing the moonwalk. Luckily, the 0-21'ers just blew me off like I didn't even exist and totally ignored my rantings. Later, realizing poolside that all of my 3 teammates had left and I was totally alone with the 5 Blacktoppers that I had railed against all evening, I quietly backed out of the deSilva residence, jumped in my car and split before they jumped me and shaved what's left of my hair or something like that. I did make it home safely though and now I can expound on what a momentous evening it was. All we needed was another 45 minutes and 28-0 would have been inevitable. By the way, I am just a little curious what an 0-21 evening does to Stigmata's season winning (or should I say losing?) percentage.    

Saturday, September 24, 2005

        On possibly the most gorgeous day for outdoor basketball this year, only 7 Blacktoppers showed up to play today. The initial teams picked were Mike Toole, Chainsaw Smith and me versus Stigmata, Paulo (aka D-Wide, per The Assassin) Hamhocks and The Assassin. Mike Toole was all over the court, continually moving without the ball, and Ambrose hit a number of shots from just about everywhere, including Bingo territory. After the Toole/Chainsaw team won the first four games rather handily, I began to continually implore the losing team not to let Ambrose shoot the ball. Time after time, Chainsaw would drill an 18-footer, followed by a 22-footer, followed by a 26-footer. I literally begged the other team to play some defense on Chainsaw and try to stop the man but, unfortunately for them, they weren't up to the task. When Chainsaw wasn't shooting jumpers, Mike Toole was scoring on some nice drives to the basket and shots off of the dribble. Finally, after quite a few games, our opponents finally pulled one out. I, of course, had to sit and, just to show me how much they missed me, my former team thrashed their opponent without me. I came back in for one game, lost and then sat again. Once again, my former team won the next game without me. Does anybody see a pattern here? I certainy did and I was more than just a little upset by it. At any rate, the day came down to a three game series of me, Chainsaw and The Assassin against Stigmata, Paulo and Mike Toole. By that time, Spec had shown up, in street clothes of course, and sat along the endline with Hamhocks and made fun of all of the players on the court - especially me (Lippy??). With the series tied 1-1, Stigmata decided to pull out all of the stops in order to try to take the series. First, after saying that we were playing in the NBA the other day, Stigmata decides, all of a sudden, that alternating possession should occur after a held ball. Does the NBA use alternating possession? Have you ever seen an arrow at the scorer's table of an NBA contest? If your answer to both questions was NO, then you know your basketball - certainly more than Stigmata does. Then, after being outhustled along the baseline for a rebound, Stigmata says that the ball was out of bounds on the way down because it came down on a 62-degree angle, perpendicular to the invisible plane of the backboard and on a vector that took the aforementioned rebound into an area of unplayability and therefore his team should be awarded the ball. Got that? That was really Stigmata's lame reason for wanting a ball that he just absolutely refused to hustle for. Despite Stigmata's desperate measures, the team of me, Chainsaw and The Assassin won the series and bragging rights until at least Wednesday. During the entire day, even though they were teammates all day long, Stiggy threw exactly 3 passes to Paulo. And the three that he threw to him were either off his ankles or knees or something. It wasn't pretty to watch. A team in disarray, the way this team was, really had no chance of beating us. Chainsaw, despite warning after warning by me to the other team not to give him an inch to shoot the ball, was drilling shot after shot and The Assassin did his regular hustling, grab every rebound, hit the 15-footer thing. The poor buggers of the losing team did try though. Better luck Wednesday. It'll be interesting to see if Spec can answer the bell Wednesday or if he'll stay on the DL. The Commissioner has ordered a meeting of the Rules Committee on the next rainy Saturday and also brought up a number of issues that he thinks need to be addressed by said Committee. I'm not too sure if I'm at liberty to mention it in this forum or not, but one issue that has caught the Commissioner's attention is this ongoing bad blood between Dr. J-Man and Bingo, since the infamous punking of weeks ago. The Commish is looking for some feedback from his Committee, and Blacktoppers at-large, regarding the handling of this feud. Hamhocks mentioned that Bingo Shea had told him Friday night at 8:30 pm (13 and one-half hours before Blacktop time) that he'd be there to play today. Bingo did not show again. Evidently, Bingo didn't realize that J-Man was tied up at a golfing charity event today or he probably would have kept his Friday night word to Hammy, had he known that the J-Man was unavailable for Blacktop duty today.