Wedensday, September 28, 2005

                     I just read Stigmata's entry on the Guestbook Page regarding last night's action at the Blacktop and I have to wholeheartedly beg to differ with Stig. First off, Stig says the cry of "NEXT" never happened last night, but anybody who was there will tell you that it did indeed happen after both of the first two games. Secondly, Stigmata still doesn't get it. He pats himself on the back for winning a few games in a row and chalks up the success of the team to the fact that those other lucky players (Paulo, Ben Cartwright and The Assassin) were on HIS team. Is this guy out there or what? Stig, your teammates weren't complaining, as your teammates usually do, because you actually passed the ball a few times last night, not just because the team won .Furthermore, the reason the team won in the first place was the same as why your teammates weren't complaining, the ball got passed. Contrary to what you seem to think, your teammates won those games, not you alone. You were just a part of the puzzle, not the entire thing as you seem to think. When you do your regular non-pass thing is when YOUR team goes 0-21. Last night, by throwing the ball to your able teammates, the team was able to win a few. You'll just never understand. //// Stig is right about one thing though - I was quieted down substantially from last Wednesday night and the bell never did ring the death knell of "BONG" last evening. After starting out 2-0, and looking like a repeat of last week, our team of me, Chainsaw, Hamhocks and Mike Toole lost quite a few in a row. Unlike Stigmata's comments of previous weeks, I took no consolation in the fact that we did play a few games very tightly and into overtime before we lost. Losing is losing. Only Stigmata, when he's on a 2-34 roll, can look at the losses and say, "Well, we came pretty close a couple of times" and feel good about it. With Paulo hitting outside shots, The Assassin getting a hand of some sort on every rebound, and Ben Cartwright hitting the 8-footers consistently, we couldn't get over the hump. //// Not in attendance last evening were Spec (probably still hung over from Saturday), Bingo Shea (told Hammy he'd be there but punked us out again) and Dr. J-Man (injured elbow?). Not there, as they haven't been in quite a while were: Little Joe Cartwright, Adam Cartwright and Brian Ferris Bueller. Should anybody see any of these people, please call the missing Blacktopper hotline at 1-800-BLACKTOP immediately. //// As usual, there was some controversy again at the Blacktop last evening. Ben "Jose The MVP" Cartwright took exception to Hamhocks' alleged illegal use of hands. Hamhocks took exception to Ben taking exception to Hammy's alleged illegal use of hands. Because of that, Hamhocks continually told Ben to take the foul and the ball. Ben wouldn't take the ball and, when forced to, threw it off of the glass on purpose so that Hammy's team would get the rebound. Hammy took exception to that and refused to shoot, no matter how open he was. Chainsaw took exception to Hamhocks' exception not to shoot and hollered in exasperation for Hamhocks to shoot the ball. Hammy took exception to Chainsaw's exception of Hamhocks not shooting and stood his ground and still refused to shoot. Meanwhile, Stigmata thinks that he's Reggie Jackson (the straw that stirs the drink) and, in spite of all of these exceptions, gives no credit to the work of Ben, The Assassin and Paulo for their victories last night. I take exception to that myself. 

Saturday, October 1, 2005

         Another perfect day for outdoor ball - sunny, 72 degrees, light wind, just doesn't get much better weather-wise. Showing up to play were Little Joe, Adam Cartwright and Spec versus The Assassin, Bueller and Chuck Taylor. Only kidding, none of them were actually there. Really, it was me, Mike Toole, Chainsaw Smith and Ben "Jose The MVP" Cartwright versus Justin "Paulo" Coelho, Stigmata, Hamhocks and Bingo Shea. As far as the basketball went it was very competitive, with about an even split on the wins and losses until the final best of five series. And that's where I'll begin the story. We all decide to play a best of five series and Stigmata exclaims, "Yeah, whoever wins two games first wins the series." Now, I know Stig is not a numbers guy, but c'mon. Anyway, we play the series and Chainsaw is totally unconscious, in a zone, on fire, whatever you want to call it. After we take a 2-0 series lead, Bingo explains to Stigmata on the sidelines that he may want to torque up the defensive intensity against Chainsaw in this next game. Bingo also reminded Stigmata that Chainsaw was suffering from a broken finger on his shooting hand, as well as a fractured coxic from when Stig had pushed Chainsaw into the basket stanchion in earlier action.  The 3rd game begins and Chainsaw is schooling Stigmata like Mary Kay Letourneau did to that Milli Vanilli kid, who she just finally married after she got out of jail. Chainsaw is dominating Stigmata to such a degree that - after Chainsaw hit a 28-footer to give his team a 5-2 lead and it was obvious to all concerned that Stig was never going to figure out a way to stop Chainsaw - me, Hamhocks and Bingo just walked off of the court and called it a day. It was obvious that the game and series was over, so we figured why prolong the inevitable. At that point, Stig and Paulo felt like they had more game left in them and decided to play a one-on-one contest. Fortunately, I left the area to make a phone call during this extravaganza, but I later heard allegations of punches and kicks thrown before Paulo finally left the deSilva residence. //// Now, I don't know if Stigmata is trying to be the Yogi Berra of the Blacktop or what, although I really think that this stuff just comes out of him, but here are a few jewels, words of wisdom if you will, that Stigmata spouted out Saturday: When Stigmata chose for his team to accept the ball to start a game, Stig's teammates complained that the sun was in their eyes bigtime. Stigmata's reply: "Hey, I chose the ball. I didn't have any control over the side of the court we got." Stigmata's logic doesn't allow him to realize that he had TOTAL control over where his teammates would be shooting, had he picked the court instead of the ball. How about this quote (more like a paraphrase) from Stigmata, "When I go to the basket I'm up above everybody." Here's another beauty: "I don't go to Dartmouth High football or basketball games because I'm so recognizable there everybody will bother me and want to talk to me." See if you can believe this one from Stigmata: "I TRUST ROBES." Yes, he really said that one poolside. Who the hell would ever trust Roberge on anything? How about Bingo trying to explain to Stigmata how to go over or under a pick, depending on the circumstances? Now we all know that Stigmata is THE coach (hence the coachstigmata former website) at the Blacktop. Here's a well-known, long tenured, well-respected high school basketball coach trying to assist Stigmata in his understanding of how to play defense and what do you think happens? Stigmata gets pissed and begins hollering at the aforementioned Coach Bingo that he knows more about basketball than Bingo ever will. Wow, what a day. There were other Stigmataisms throughout the day, but I can't sit here typing all day long. //// During some heated action, Chainsaw and Paulo got into a hotly-contested held-ball situation. Chainsaw, as mentioned earlier, was already suffering from a broken finger and coxic, but wouldn't relinquish possession of the held-ball to Paulo. So, the two of them struggled for the ball for a few seconds before Chainsaw, realizing that Paulo was right along the baseline during the grappling, suddenly let go of the ball. Paulo, who was earnestly fighting for control of the ball, had so much momentum going for him that he fell onto his back on the grass along the baseline with the ball. At that point, Chainsaw casually proclaimed, "Our ball." This set Paulo off. Paulo thought that the held-ball called for bucking it up to see who got possession, although Paulo did seem to get some satisfaction from the fact that he had gotten the ball away from Chainsaw. Somebody brought up the fact that, during the struggle, Paulo never requested to buck it up, but instead ended up on his back out of bounds. Maybe this exchange had something to do with the fireworks that occurred between Paulo and Stigmata after play had concluded. I don't know. Maybe it was Stigmata telling Paulo point blank during a game, "I've been shit on here for 3 years, now it's your turn." I don't think Paulo relished the idea of Stigmata crapping on him just because Stiggy feels that he's been crapped on incessantly at the Blacktop. At any rate, it was another beautiful day at the Blacktop, although some feelings may have been a little frazzled. 

Wednesday, October 5, 2005

         Well, it was a relatively calm night at the Blacktop last night. It may have been because Hamhocks never came home to instigate trouble. It may have been because, although he said that he was going to stop by, Spec never appeared to spin his web of controversy. It could have been because Paulo and Stigmata ignored each other and never spoke to each other. That's really a shame because, evidently, these two have been friends since like the 5th grade or something. Now, I know that in Ben "Jose The MVP" Cartwright's world that isn't a very long time (since Stig and Paulo are about 24 years old, that's only about 13 years of friendship) because he's got clothes that are much older than that. Still, these guys are friends and, hopefully, they can bury the hatchet soon. Anyway, Stigmata ended up showing up, although he had said that he had a previous commitment at Otis AFB. Stigmata, evidently, wanted to make sure that we all knew that he wasn't being run out of deSilva's. He certainly made that point. In fact, Stigmata and I ended up on the same team for the evening and I'm happy to say that he actually passed (or is it "past") the ball very often. Is this a new and improved Stigmata? Only time will tell. Stigmata advised that he has been through almost all of the tape from the Band of Brothers Tournament that was held in August and that the film is a real eye-opener. Hopefully, Stigmata can get it together so that we can all watch it. //// Adam Cartwright showed up to play last evening and, although he played well, looked a little rusty. Also playing were: Dr. J-Man (with a fresh cortisone shot reinvigorating his injured elbow), Mike Toole, Paulo and Stigmata (as mentioned), The Assassin, Bob Palindrone, Ben "Jose The MVP" Cartwright, Chainsaw Smith and yours truly. The games were fairly even all evening, with about a 50-50 split on the wins and losses. Bob Palindrone had to wrap it up early when his nagging foot injury flaired up on him. Too bad, because he was shooting really well at the time. J-Man went from the A-Man back to the J-Man as, with his new elbow, he was able to hit some circus shots, during the clutch, while closely guarded. Chainsaw continued his high-percentage shooting, taking advantage of me this time, instead of Stigmata. The Assassin played like he was on amphetamines, hustling around like he was possessed. In fact, although he was on my team, I frequently found myself looking at Jeff's back as he sprinted by me down the court. Mike Toole continues to play well, especially for a high school sophomore. Mike was mentioning that there's a portrait of Stigmata that hangs in the foyer of the new high school. No wonder Stig can't go back there. Paulo played well and hit his usual array of shots from the key and up to 15-feet or so. Ben Cartwright did his usual sthick about how undermanned his teams were and then proceeded to win some anyway. Ben went down toward the end of the evening with a shoulder injury. My question is: since I was kind of involved in Ben's injury, can I be charged with a criminal felony? The law states that it's a felony to commit an A&B on a person over the age of 65. On occasion last night, I had times where, when I accidently bumped into Ben, I heard some of his body parts cracking, most notably his neck. Later, on a passing play that I was involved in, his shoulder got torn out of the socket. If charged, I will plead the 5th and state that I didn't know that I was playing against a 73-year old. Well, that's about the story on last night. I guess that Hamhocks is nursing a swollen ankle and refused to come home at all for fear of being coerced into playing anyway. As if we're insensitive enough to do something like that to him. Although, now that I think of it, if we only had 9 guys we would have gotten Hammy out on the Blacktop. Bingo Shea - where are you? And who's this phantom "Nipsey Russell" on the Guestbook Page? Whoever he/she is, they're moving dangerously over the line into Poet Laura Yet material. Could it be Hannah Gaspar? I've assigned Ben Cartwright the investigation into who Nipsey really is. Ben says he'll provide a report on the matter right after he finishes the larceny of a state police vehicle report that he's presently working on.