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Two teams prepare for the tip-off at the Blacktop
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The new website is www.chainsaw.50megs.com - Hopefully, the Guestbook Page of the new website will work.
THE OLD GUESTBOOK HAD BEEN IN OPERATION FOR 11 WEEKS AND GOT FILLED UP. JUST FOR YOUR RECOLLECTION, THE LAST ENTRIES SAID SOMETHING BAD ABOUT BOTH SPEC AND STIGMATA. YOU CAN TAKE IT FROM THERE. Hated to lose some of those classic entries from Poet Laura Yet, Nipsey Russell, Osama, Spec, Anonymous, Bingo and Stigmata.
Article about Wednesday, October 5th, on the Custom2 Page, underneath the previous entries.
Article about Saturday, October 1st, on the Custom2 Page, right under the Wednesday, 9/28 article.
Article about Wednesday, September 28th, at the top of the "Custom2 Page."
Article about Saturday, September 24th, on the "Custom Page" (right under the Wednesday article)
This website is to replace www.coachstigmata.50megs.com, whose Guestbook Page got filled up. Obviously, this website is a work in progress. But, at least the Guestbook Page works. Blacktop Hall of Fame??? See Below The latest article, from Saturday, July 23rd, regarding Ferris being home for 7 years is located at the old coachstigmata website on the bottom of the WHAT'S NEW PAGE. Hit on any of the websites below to see some old articles. www.coachstigmata.50megs.com www.josethemvp.50megs.com www.gardnertheassassin.50megs.com www.robeshasnogame.50megs.com www.desilvablacktopleague.50megs.com
BLACKTOP HALL OF FAME???
A confidential informant has advised me that a Blacktop Hall Of Fame has been discussed over at the deSilva residence. Word is that a committee has been formed to explore the matter and that nominations to the Hall could be forthcoming. Once the nomination(s) is / are made I would guess that that a sub-committee would decide who gets enshrined or possibly a vote by the membership to decide the inductee(s). This should be interesting since there is no word, even from my informant, as to who makes up the committee. Hopefully, Spec isn't on the committee or I can guarantee who the 1st inductee will be. I see Spec nominating himself and then trying to buy votes from the membership to elect him the way Joe Kennedy did for John F. Kennedy down in West Virginia in 1960. This, if it's true, could get very messy. I see a probable major conflict of interest. Spec could end up being indicted (that's indicted, not inducted), if he is indeed involved in this at all, before all is said and done. By the way, just in case this rumor has any validity to it, I have begun work on an acceptance speech, just in case. I will be handing out bumper stickers and campaign buttons saying "Vote for Len" on Wednesday night. Thank you, in advance, for your consideration for this prestigious award (if it's really true).
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HEDGE YOUR BET Many things went down at the Blacktop last night and to write anything lengthy on some of these subjects would take a lot of time - state worker or not. Therefore, I will hit on some subjects quickly while others need to be expounded on. 1) How about The Assassin appearing like an apparition through the trees while we were shooting baskets before we started playing. It was kind of eerie to see The Assassin standing by himself near Hamhocks' porch just staring at us like he was considering who was getting taken out of action for the evening. If he was trying to freak me out - it worked. 2) The Assassin has also taken over as the nickname guy at the Blacktop. He recently named Brian Ferris "Bueller" and, last night, came up with Bob "Palindrome" The Bike Guy. For you ignornant types (read Robes), a palindrome is a word that is spelt the same way forward and backward (ie, BOB). Nobody was aware of the word except for The Assassin. I thought it was an anagram. 3)Speaking of Bob "Palindrome," why was he wearing his grandaughter's yellow ankle socks with little fishes on them. And while I'm on the subject, has it been verified by everybody that "Palindrome" smirks at his opponent every time he has possession of the ball. It's kind of like how Jordan used to stick his tongue out without realizing it. Check it out next Wednesday night (Palindrome can't make Saturdays). The way Palindrome shot the ball last night I guess that he can do whatever he wants. 4) Speaking of shooting, KC Grandfield, except for one airball that almost injured two people, shot about 90% last night. I haven't seen somebody shoot like that since Roberge was guarding them. 5) While on the shoooting subject, The J-Man shot for a very high percentage again last night. But, not as high a percentage as when Robes guards (and I use the term "guard" loosely) him. 6) Stigmata rode Little Joe Cartwright to a number of wins last night. You would have thought that Little Joe was Secretariat and Stig was a jockey the way that Stigmata rode his coattails. 7) Jose The MVP continues to state with regularity that Bueller is an idiot, imbecile, moron or whatever derogatory name he can think of for Bueller's mental capacity. Last night, The MVP even called Hamhocks an A-hole (yes, the real word) for cooking so much food. So what if Hammy cooks food for 18 even though there's only 7 people there. I wouldn't go as far as A-hole, would you? 8) Kind of ironic that Little Joe Cartwright is going into the Bridgewater Bears Hall of Fame but didn't even get a mention for the Blacktop Hall of Fame. Kind of tells you about the level of play at the Blacktop, huh? 9) Wasn't it good to watch Bueller and The King play one on one against each other last night even though it was suppose to be a 5 on 5 game. I guess the other 8 players can always rebound Bueller's and The King's missed shots in order to get involved in the action and get a burn. 10) My next subject is hedging. In the past I've hedged my bets, smoked Benson & Hedges cigarettes and seen hedgehogs on a farm. But as far as a pick is concerned, hedging is for womens' basketball. Back in the day (circa 1974, the Y. of L.), men fought through screens. Of course, this is back when men were men and women were glad of it. The defender advised his teammate of a "screen left" or "screen right" and the teammate was expected to have a pair and fight through the pick. IF he couldn't fight through for some foolish reason, the other defender would holler "switch" and pick up the teammate's opponent, while the teammate would then switch onto the screener. But now, according to Bueller and The King, the politically correct thing to do is to hedge, whatever the hell that is. Both Bueller and The King can kiss my pimply, white buttocks. I ain't doing it come hell or high water. What worked 31 years ago will still work today. I just need to have teammates with a pair. 11) Lastly, speaking of kissing, while Bueller was in the process of seeing his team lose like 7 in a row to Little Joe's team, Ferris got a little carried away and began to scream "KISS" everytime he attempted to bank a shot. I wouldn't have minded too much if he had made a few of the bankshots. Unfortunately for his team, he missed most of them while belittling himself by saying "kiss." Meanwhile, Little Joe, and even me on a couple of occasions, was kissing everything right through the twines on our way to numerous victories. As I said above, "kiss" my pimply, white buttocks. I guess that should do it until Saturday. Hopefully, then we'll get some burn while we hedge the screens and kiss some jumpers off of the backboard and, if any chicks come to watch, we might even get some ass (I don't know what any of that means. You'll have to ask Bueller Saturday).
INTERVIEW WITH COACH STIGMATA It has become somewhat customary to conduct an interview with a Blacktop player after his website has been discarded (except for Robes after the robeshasnogame site closed down because nobody actually cares what Spec has to say anyway). In this instance, former CBS anchorman Dan Rather was recruited to sit down and discuss matters with Chad "Stigmata" Pimental. DR: Good evening and welcome to our program. Tonight we'll be talking to Chad Pimental of the deSilva Blacktop League. Good evening, Chad. CP: Yo, Dan. DR: Chad, the first thing I have to ask you about is your name at the Blacktop. Can you give the viewers some insight into your Blacktop moniker? CP: Well, a guy by the name of Steve Roberge came up with the name "Stigmata" some time back and it stuck. DR: Stigmata? As in Christlike bleeding? CP: No, that's not the way Spec's mind works, if it works at all. My guess is that Spec meant Stigma, because my teams lose so many games but, of course, Spec came up with Stigmata because ...well, he's Robes. DR: You kind of lost me there. What is a Spec and a Robes and what does stigma have to do with you? CP: Spec and Robes are also names for Steve Roberge. He calls himself "Spec," short for spectacular, in his mind only, and everybody else calls him Robes. I think he meant that I'm a stigma to my team winning. DR: Oh, OK. I think I follow you. Would you prefer I call you Chad or Stigmata? CP: Actually, I'd prefer it if you call me "Coach." DR: Coach? Where does that come from? CP: Well, I've done my best at the Blacktop to help out some of the more inferior and inept players, of which there are many, believe me, and so just as Roberge named himself Spec, I refer to myself as Coach. DR: OK, Coach. Coach, let me ask you this. I've spoken to a number of Blacktop members about you and they all seem to agree on one thing - that you're an enigma. Of course, since an enigma means something hard to understand or explain, I was wondering if you could tell me what your Blacktop brethren mean by this? CP: Dan, I really don't know. I'm easy to understand. I'm there to coach and assist the poorer players at the Blacktop. I thought that they all understood that. DR: Word is that since you are an enigma in their view, Spec almost started to nickname you "Enigma" instead of "Stigmata." CP: Thank God that didn't happen because Spec is so far out that, just like he called me Stigmata instead of Stigma, he probably would have gotten confused and named me "Enema" instead of "Enigma." Think that you'd like the name "Enema," Dan? DR: No Coach, I wouldn't like that name but, according to a large number of Blacktoppers, your playing ability and coaching ability largely mirror the "Enema" name. CP: What are you talking about Dan? DR: Well, without being too brash, let me read you the definition of enema, according to Webster's. Enema: the injection of fluid into the intestine by way of the anus. According to the Blacktopers I spoke to, the word anus is a good description of your game. CP: Dan, the only word in that definition that comes close to describing my game is "fluid." By the way, what Blacktoppers did you talk to? DR: Well, my staff spoke to an Assassin, a J-Man, an MVP, someone named Little Joe and a Palindrome. Weirdly enough though, the guy called Palindrome wouldn't say anything at all. CP: Let me tell you a little something about each of them, Dan. First, The Assassin. His real name is Jeff Gardner. Twice a week he comes to the Blacktop with the sole purpose of causing pain to somebody. His usual victim, and a good choice in my opinion, is Spec. But if Spec isn't at the Blacktop, which is most of the time, it could be anybody. Most recently, he took out Brian "Bueller" Ferris. Secondly, the J-Man. His real name is Mr. Jalbert. Here's a 71-year old guy going to comment on me??? I coach more basketball in one hour than the J-Man has ever known in his entire 59-year basketball career. Thirdly, The MVP. His real name is Mr. Gonsalves. He's the patriarch of the Cartwright clan. Woe is the person who should ever say anthing negative about his clan. This 72-year old will hunt you down like a dog for saying anything bad about anybody in his family or on the Ponderosa in general, and that includes Hop Sing. Little Joe is Mark Gonsalves. He's the perfect example of how Ben "Jose The MVP" Cartwright will retaliate against you if you bother his clan. One night I mentioned, in an off hand way, that Little Joe was calling a lot of fouls for a player who was a big guy and a decent player. Of course, he'd be better if he'd heed my coaching tips, but I digress. Anyway, not only does Little Joe, who happened to overhear my comment, go mental on me but the patriarch, Ben "Jose The MVP" Cartwright, and Kurtis "Adam Cartwright" Gonsalves, also go nuts on me. In fact, Adam Cartwright screamed at me to "SHUT UP." Can you imagine? Telling me, The Coach, to shut up. They should all listen to me when I speak, especially about coaching. Lastly, Bob Palindrome. I knew he wouldn't say anything bad about me, or anything at all for that matter. He speaks about as much as Helen Kelliher. DR: Wow Coach, why don't you tell us how you really feel? CP: Listen Dan, let me finish this lame interview with two comments. First, let me say that if I could stay off of Spec's team altogether this year my winning percentage this summer would be about 91%, instead of the .625 that it is now. Secondly Dan, with no disrespect intended, it's a good thing that you're retired. You're awful. I should coach you on how to interview someone, since I coach not only basketball, but I coach all of life's skills. I am truly a Renaissance Man, Dan. I wish BaBa Walters or Tom Brokaw had done this interview. Once again, The poor Coach gets screwed with a loser like you. DR: Well, on that note, I'd like to thank our viewers for tuning in and say goodnight and peace. This is Dan Rather signing off.
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The sun sets on Spec's Blacktop career
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Robes' Themesong - Saturday, July 30, 2005 Yesterday at the Blacktop was rather uneventful on the court. Rick Taylor, grand-nephew of the inventor of the first Converse sneaker Chuck Taylor, returned to the Blacktop for his first appearance since April. Teamed up with Little Joe, The Assassin, Spec and The King, their team ran the table all day long. Of course, the more games they won, the more giddy Spec became. Besides singing along with some 80's tunes while playing on the Blacktop, Spec began to compare his team with the 1992 Olympic Dream Team and started to call the other two competing teams Argentina and Brazil. Now everybody knows that I've never liked Roberge. I would just like to clarify that to state that I now hate Robes.///Speaking of 80's songs, I actually heard what will henceforth be referred to on this website as the Steve Roberge themesong. I heard it at deSilva's yesterday and I went to google just now and downloaded the words. At some point, I will write the lyrics here on the website but, for now, I suggest that you type "Lonesome Loser" into google. Just like "Napoleon Dynamite" sums up Robes on film, the words to this song by The Little River Band say it all about Spec in melody./// Commissioner Roberge has firmly decided that the BoB will be played on Saturday, August 13th. Yesterday, with the pressure of the BoB approaching, tempers flared out on the Blacktop. When KC Grandfield drove to the basket, at one point, he ended up getting double-teamed. KC called a foul and, as the ball was being taken out at the top of the key, Little Joe inquired as to whether it might have been called a jump ball. KC confirmed the foul call and then whacked a 24-footer from the wing to tie the game at 6-6. With his team's winning streak now in jeopardy after the score, Little Joe erupted and booted the basketball some 80 yards away into the woods. Word is that Bill Billichek is now interested in Little Joe to shore up the Patriots' kicking game. At any rate, Little Joe's ploy worked. Some 30 minutes later, after the ball was finally retrieved at the risk of everything from poison ivy to lyme disease, Little Joe's opponenets, who had been on a run and definitely had momentum, were iced and lost the game. Nobody dared say a word to Little Joe about the incident because Ben "Jose The MVP" Cartwright and Kurtis "Adam Cartwright" Gonsalves were right there. Even The Assassin, who doesn't understand the concept of fear, wasn't about to say something to incur the wrath of the entire Cartwright clan.///Spec, who has been having Achilles problems but did what he had to do to make his team successful yesterday, was actually right about something for a change. He mentioned, after Ambrose "Chainsaw" Smith hit like 24 shots in a row during practice, that Chainsaw is the ultimate pre-game shooter. When the 1st game started yesterday, Chainsaw whacked his 1st two shots from about 20 feet. At that point, Spec hollered to Chainsaw, asking if he was aware that the actual game had begun. Chainsaw, now aware that we were really playing, missed the rest of his shots as his team went down to defeat./// Speaking of missing shots, Ferris Bueller shot 09% from the field yesterday at the Blacktop, but still had more field goal attempts than anybody, except The King. At one point, Bueller was looking to tie Cal Ripken's consecutive games played record (only for Ferris it was consecutive shots missed), when he actually hit a shot. Unfortunately for Ferris' team, he immediately went on to miss another 18 in a row after making a game run at Ripken's record./// Lastly, but not leastly, I would like to congratulate Norm "Hamhocks" deSilva and Ben "Jose The MVP" Cartwright on their upcoming induction into the Blacktop Hall of Fame. Both inductees are certainly deserving of this prestigious honor and truly represent what being a Blacktopper is all about. I've got to admit that I was a little disappointed that I was not even considered as a possible nominee into the Hall but, with plenty of hard work and some more coaching from Stigmata, I hope some day to at least be considered for entry (yes, I mean entry without having to buy a ticket). I know that I'm looking forward to the induction ceremonies on Saturday, August 13th, at the Band of Brothers tournament. I don't have the money to rent a tux, but I will be dressed as formally as I possibly can for this momentous occasion.
Wednesday night, August 3, 2005 Some people showed up at the deSilva residence Wednesday night, basketball was played and I was in a miserable mood. After that, a reliable confidential informant has advised me of some of the goings-on poolside. Evidently, from what I'm hearing, the J-Man has saved Steve "Spec" Roberge's game from being in the crapper, where it has been for quite some time now. Word has it that Spec has been nursing an Achilles injury that he was keeping to himself. Finally, after it was obvious that Spec's game had hit rock bottom, Spec decided to confide in the J-Man that he had a debilitating injury. The J-Man, who I guess we'll have to refer to as Doctor J-Man from now on, immediately came up with the solution to Spec's problem. After all, the Doc has come back from many injuries himself over the last few years, from broken fingers to Achilles problems. Doctor J-Man prescribed that Spec should get some new sneakers, purchase some inserts for same and do some stretching before playing that will loosen up the Achilles. Spec followed the Doc's orders and, miraculously, played like the Spec of 1999 Wednesday night. The man was all over the court and played the way that we could barely remember that he was capable of. Doctor J-Man (not to be confused with Dr. J of the UMass Minutemen, New Jersey Nets and Philadelphia 76'ers fame) now has biblical-like powers of healing, not unlike Christ raising Lazarus from the dead in the Old Testament. Let's face it, before Doctor J-Man healed him, Spec's game was as dead as Lazarus was purported to be in the Bible. Now, from what I read in the Guestbook, Dr. J-Man is predicting that Spec will win the BoB Tournament next weekend. The Doc also says that people will actually want to be on Spec's team for the tourney. Whoaaa there a second. Spec may have played well Wednesday night, there's no denying that, but who in their right minds would want to be on his team for the BoB. Dr. J-Man may be a miracle worker for bringing Spec's game back Wednesday night, but it's going to take a few sessions with Coach Stigmata before anybody will want to be paired off with Spec for the BoB./// It was also brought to my attention that (Ulysses S.) Grant (I don't know Grant's last name) was talking about a 75-year old guy, whose last name is Lopes and owns N.B. Floor Covering, and is playing football for a team out of New Bedford. It was brought up that Mr. Lopes is even older than Jose The MVP, which nobody believed was possible. When Mr. Cartwright heard this news, my information is that he snapped. He started rambling on about the fact that he, Ben Cartwright, was a New Bedford Whaler Football Hall of Famer and that this Lopes guy was nothing but a bum as far as football ability was concerned. Word is that Mr. Cartwright stated that he should be playing football for this team if this Lopes chump is playing for them. Now I'll grant you that both Ben "Jose The MVP" Cartwright and Doctor J-Man are modern marvels of science for the way they can still play basketball while being in their early 70's. When you throw in the fact that Dr. J-Man is now a nationally recognized faith healer, it's even more remarkable. But Jose The MVP lacing up the pads, at this advanced stage of his life, is a little more than I can imagine. I don't know what the deal is with Mr. Lopes, whether he can still play football or not, but, Hall of Famer or not, I just don't see Ben Cartwright out on the gridiron at this point. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he's still got a few downs left in that 74-year old body, I don't really know. If you look at the way he plays out on the Blacktop, perhaps somehow, with the healing powers of Dr. J-Man and the football expertise of Coach Stigmata, Jose The MVP could still muster up a good rush of the quarterback. I just don't see it. Of course, unlike Dr. J-Man, I don't see Spec being in the running for the BoB Championship either.
Saturday, August 6th, 2005 First things first, I'd like to thank Dr. J-Man for healing my right elbow for the rest of Saturday's festivities. The Doc performed his magic and, with The King being very rude and trying to humiliate me by hollering "That's what we want" everytime I shot the ball, I was actually able to hit a couple of shots. It didn't shut the King up, but at least it quieted him down a little. Thanks again, Doc./// While on the Doc, how about the Jalbert Brothers' play Saturday? With BJal pulling down 15 rebounds in one game (13 defensive, 2 offensive) and Dr. J-Man scoring everytime Spec came within 20' of him, their team was able to pull off a couple of upsets. /// There were no Ellie or TLA sightings on Saturday. /// Speaking of TLA, The Assassin seems to be in prime form for the upcoming BoB. The Assassin has been playing very well lately, or is that only when I'm guarding him? Whatever, The Assassin has been on a roll. /// What's with Stigmata (Enema)? Did Stig say anything to anybody Saturday? He also left within minutes of the final basket. I was pleased that he tried to stare me down on the Blacktop on a couple of occasions, with me winning the staring contest, of course. I will not be intimidated by Stig. I asked Hamhocks, while he was grilling, what the deal was with Stigmata and all Hammy would say is "He knows what he did and he hasn't said anything to me about it yet." I know that Stig has no idea what his faux pas was, so this appears to be a standoff. I wish that it would be settled so that Stig would stick around after we're done playing and give me some material for this website. The only thing he did give me Saturday was his refusal to give the ball to Dr. J-Man when Spec was near him. I screamed my dismay time after time, when Stigmata declined to pass J-Man the ball but, as usual, Stigmata was oblivious to my displeasure. /// I hate to say it, but Spec actually appears to be back. I was hoping that Dr. J-Man's healing of Spec's game was only going to be a short-term thing. Technically, I guess it is still a short-term phenomenon, but it has still gone on for longer than I like. Spec will probably fold Wednesday night. If not then, on Saturday during the BoB, for sure. /// Ferris Bueller has been taking Stigmata's place as the post game quotable guy. Bueller told all of us Saturday that he plays down to our level at the Blacktop. When Ferris plays with top caliber players, at other locations, he notches his game up to the appropriate level that he needs to be his regular outstanding self. I got the distinct impression Saturday that Al Morrissette didn't think that Bueller's play was high quality enough to be competitive at a nursery school. I'd be willing to bet that other people may have agreed with Al, except for the crap shot that Bueller hit from the right corner in one of the games. I personally was sticking by the Coyle guy until he made the ridiculous prediction that, no matter who is on his team Saturday, he will win the Band of Brothers Tournament. Now, in my opinion, Ferris is either smoking crack cocaine or should seek the immediate aid of a psychotherapist. Of course, maybe he was figuring that he could draft Spec and I onto his team. That's about the only hope I see for him to make his prediction come true.
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